Late-Night Comics Target Trump's Latest 'Gold Card' Immigration Plan

TV's leading entertainers devoted the airtime ridiculing ex-President Donald Trump's recently announced immigration initiative, labeled the "Trump card," describing it as a clear pay-for-access scheme for the wealthy.

The Late Show's Pointed Take

Opening his broadcast, Stephen Colbert presented a mock Christmas jingle about the president. "He's making a list, reviewing it twice, then giving that list to the agents at ICE," he crooned. "The President ... destroys all he comes into contact with."

Colbert's target was the controversial plan which permits foreign individuals to acquire U.S. residence for the price of one million dollars, or "top-tier" tier for 5 million. A government website promises processing "in record time."

"One note for you to rich foreigners: prior to you pay, have you considered Canada?" Colbert joked.

He noted that the card is also designed to "get cash" from firms wishing to hire skilled workers, with large costs. "That is a lot of fees, but if you sign up, you additionally get two free nights at a hotel of your selection – if it's the Tampa Marriott Bonvoy," he continued.

"The best screening the U.S. government has before done," stated Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to ensure these individuals truly meet the standard to be in America."

"That is important, you have to prove you're qualified to be an American," Colbert deadpanned. "Question one: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Humorous Commentary

On his late-night show, Jimmy Kimmel dubbed the initiative the "U.S. Access Express Card."

"It's a card that will allow wealthy foreigners to live here," he said. "In exchange for a million bucks, you get legal resident status, you get a route to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one serious crime of your selection."

"Maybe it's time to update that poem on the Statue of Liberty – to hell with your huddled masses. Hand over a million bucks, you're in!" he added.

Kimmel mocked the brevity of the application, saying it is "more difficult to start a Wordle account." He remarked that Trump "sees citizenship is something you can sell, like a steak."

"That's right, the best people are the rich people," Kimmel joked. "It's what Jesus always said! It's in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you offer the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers on Economic Concerns

Elsewhere, Seth Meyers turned to Trump's slipping approval ratings amid financial anxiety. "The public gave Donald Trump a another term because they were mad about the economy," he noted.

Recently, in a attempt to address prices, Trump conducted a briefing in front of a display of grocery items, where he reacted peculiarly to some cereal.

"Lovely packaging, I think I'm going to take some of them back to my place and have a lot of fun," Trump remarked. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't had Cheerios in a long time."

"Trump is so fucking weird," Meyers responded. "What do you mean, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What's the plan with those Cheerios?"

Meyers finished by criticizing right-leaning media arguments of Trump's economic record. "Perhaps rather than complaining, you should give him a shiny trophy like the one FIFA did," he joked.